The first thoughts i remember about kink came when i was maybe 13 years old. I had fantasies of things *my husband* and i would do, knowing full well that sex would only happen with a hubby. Maybe i was inspired by reading all of the Playboy and Penthouse or other adult magazines i could find as a babysitter. Of course that doesn’t explain the houseplans i would draw with the secret play-room fitted with chains and veritable gymnastic equipment.
Move forward a decade and a half, and my lover came from his bedroom with a scraggly handful of what turned out to be old medical restraints. He asked if maybe i would be interested and i jumped at the chance to be tied up. Then, i learned that *he* wanted to be the one restrained! We traded occasionally, but that was the game for the most part, and all the time i was wishing he would tie me in. I learned of love of the tension of the blindfold and the things you could get away with, and loved thinking up things i could do to him, feeling cheated that he didn’t put in the same effort.
Move forward again, and the era of online bulletin boards was in full swing. I was invited to visit and then join an adult board, and one night i noticed the simple handle of “Master,” nothing more or less. I brazenly asked him “Master of what?” and he replied, “I train subs.” He was from a place 1,400 miles away from me, but i was immediately under his spell, and through him i became friends with local people in the bdsm scene. I met with them personally, and got introduced to the local group.
The first meeting i attended was in the dingy basement of a bar downtown. I walked in, and the first person i met was someone i had known from childhood. Between the folks i’d met, and more importantly finding Jim in the group, i felt safe. and tingly. Over a period of time the group moved, and grew, and i ended up on the Coordinating Committee that ran the group, and became the newsletter editor. One night during a demo, i noticed a man across the room, with lovely, long, brown hair. He asked polite questions because he wanted to be sure he was careful as a Master and didn’t want to injure a submissive under his care. Within two months, i was that submissive, and in another six months i wore his collar.
Things with the group somewhat deteriorated over time and my Master didn’t have a personality suited to the crowd. We had begun to visit another club with a smaller group, and really liked them even though meetings were over an hour and a half away. Other clubs started popping up, and we eventually dropped out of the public scene. He had already ceased to play. Dropping out of the groups was only a logical conclusion.
So, for the last eleven years, i have been without the scene, living in a vacuum, missing out on this side of my life. I accidentally met a man online, again at a great distance, who took my breath away. We had a magical connection just as friends, and then one day it came out that he was Dom and i was sub. I was collared to him June 24, 2007, very real, but based on the thread of hopefully being able to chat once a day. He did however get me to read my first Gor novel, and keep reading. He is responsible for my going into irc and searching for Gorean homes so he is responsible for my being Gorean today.
