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My Blog
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Is anyone else fed up?

Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing all the ads and talk shows talking about “gotta lose weight,” “gotta diet now,” or “get in shape,” or “get rid of those ugly bumps and bulges?”  I know I am, and I know that we were designed with bumps and bulges and the pads of fat were God’s design.  I think it’s rude of the people returning to the old-fashioned notion of girdles and foundation garments that compress everything to make it smooth, to try and infer that it’s necessary for the rest of us to comply and squish ourselves into spandex, and lycra, and boning.  Don’t get me started about the first-of-the-year emphasis on “are you keeping your resolutions” to worry people about working out, on top of keeping up with diets. There is SO much stress and propaganda to try this way or that, that “A” is the best way to go, no, “B” is the best, that I’m having a total and opposite reaction instead.


I’ve been in this game a lot of years.  You don’t get to be super-sized without being taught along the way, all kinds of things about nutrition and what it really takes to lose weight.  I don’t need “Product A” to get it done…and I’ll be damned if I am going to do things their way.  And! I don’t need the super gollygee whammo thingee to move.  All the thingees make great dust catchers.  I don’t need you, do you hear me?  I, don’t need you.


So the upshot is, I am at a point where I feel the need to act for the safety of my health.  I am in pretty good health, considering that I am a Super-sized lady.  I do have type II diabetes, which with my family, it was due, and I have to supplement thyroid.  My heart is sound, and bloodwork says the rest of me is too.  So to ensure that the situation remains at a status quo or better, for the safety of my health it means that I need to begin losing weight to keep from bringing on the ravages of my size, and age.  I know the things I need to do, and I have doctors to tell me what to do, if I didn’t.  But there are all those darned shows and infomercials and commercials and magazine ads that seem so much more smug than in the past.


Maybe it’s because I am serious about my intent to lose weight.  Maybe that makes me more aware than in the past.  But isn’t there enough pressure to conform, and to lose weight on a daily, societal basis that takes it from being a personal decision to one of bowing to the pressure?  I’m sick of it.  I’m fed up.  I will continue in my own personal struggle, but to hell with all the hype, advertising and celebrating.  I will not allow it to dissuade me in my contempt for the rush to sell the body perfect, but I will travel my own path.


**I realize that this article has been hyperlinked in places by the bloghost, and i thought about misspelling the words so that they wouldn't be picked up by the word scanner/ matcher but I decided that would just make me look silly, so just know that I personally didn't have anything to do with the links.

Posted by goldenslave at 11:21 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 12 February 2012 11:34 PM EST
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Missing Basic Manners

It begins in childhood; when a child gets out of line, he should be corrected by the adults in his world.  The adults should be older and wiser and have the means to correct the behaviour, or at the very least, make an impact.  Today, all too many parents, teachers, church and other youth workers hide from that responsibility.  The result is adults who still have the manners of a child.  Rude, self-serving, stingy, mean, the entire gauntlet of bratty emotions all residing in the grown-up psyche of the product of the over tolerant adults from his past.

The problem is, now that you have a spoiled adult, what can you do with him?  He throws fits that result in lashing out at others, exhibiting childish behaviours with larger overall results.  These cowards sit at work, or to the side in social circumstances, flicking in pot shots, trying to undermine so-called friends or co-workers.  Normally the actions are clandestine, effecting themselves positively, while tearing down others.  Sometimes it is overt, being openly hostile and rude.

The internet provides a new medium for the unruly adult.  There is great concern over how children are treated on the net, when adults have as much to fear and more, for all of the things that go on to attack identities and infect computers, and there is little proof that adults are any more well equipped to handle it than the children we protect.  The spoiled grown-ups represent another threat, a threat to peace of mind when they start personal attacks and character assassination from behind the anonimity of a keyboard. 

In fact, with the web, nasty, defamatory comments and attacks have the potential to reach anyone who knows or may know you.  Once the attacks are made, they are committed to cyberspace forever.  With redundant backups of systems, once something is thrown out there, there is no retrieving it.  Most instances do not allow for you to delete or edit your comments once made and even when it is possible to erase the rantings of the rotten adults, it has been seen by someone, even if it is only you, and the attack has had an effect.

When these people want to get personal and ruin you, a few choice words sprinkled here and there can be done in all apparent innocence, and people who have never known you personally can have an impact on your life that leads you to disasterous outcomes, when others read and buy into the lies and slanderous things your sometimes anonymous detractors have to say.  So one maladjusted person attacks and even though they are stopped, the negative posts have been read, and innocent observers now have the wrong ideas about you and act on it, causing you more damage without realizing that they have been lead down a false path.

Replying to the slanderous attacks has little effect.  It causes the childish ones to dig in their heels and reiterate the propaganda that they started with, all while remaining relatively safe behind their keyboards.  It’s an overly developed form of bullying, and not acceptable.  In this age when tolerance and acceptance are preached from all corners, it is too bad that the detractors can’t learn to accept whatever it is that causes them to knock you down in an effort to elevate themselves.

What these people need are spankings, or some form of correction that they never received as children to discourage them from bullying, gossiping, fighting and otherwise trying to ruin other peoples lives or activities.  They need to have their computers taken away to keep them from spilling their garbage onto others.

Posted by goldenslave at 2:51 AM EDT
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Difficulties of Communicating Online


The internet is a remarkable and wonderful system that allows us to find people, make acquaintances, and keep up, online. It is also a tool that fouls up and ruins some of the best intentions for that very reason.

It is easy to type on the computer and send text across the street or across the world. It isn’t somehow fair, the amount of trouble one can get into, with the best intentions, because that plain text is misunderstood or taken wrong. I know this first hand because i have a cynical and sarcastic sense of humor. A comment i make in all innocence intending to cause a wry smirk, will be taken seriously and i find myself in trouble.

It would all be so much easier if i could see their expressions to see what the other person is feeling, and it would be better if they could see me. I got in this trouble writing straight prose, long before the internet was everywhere, so i know this first hand. My sister nearly disowned me for an article i wrote in fun, making fun of extreme, sport fanatics. So it doesn’t catch me by surprise when words i type on the computer come out wrong on the other end, either.

It would also be simpler if we were to have voice, so that the tone could be heard. The little skip in the voice, warning of trouble, or perhaps a low chuckle to let the other know there is cynicism afoot. That rising pitch of the voice letting you know the stress has ramped up could save so much misunderstanding.

But no. We are stuck in our black and white text, failing to recognize the level of sensitivity of the receiver, and that listener missing the tone of your comments. Even when the comments are made straight, without a joke, there is potential for the remarks to be taken wrong.

So let’s throw out the text and go strictly with applications that let us use cam and voice, and we might be able to avoid some of the problems that accompany straight text. Of course, that will disallow everyone that is missing a cam or speakers and microphone, but if all we have to lose is our circle of friends, doesn’t that put us back in the same circumstances we were in to begin with…Losing people at the risk of trying to communicate?

Now, coming full circle, it seems impossible to communicate fully over the net. So rather than throw out the baby with the bath water, perhaps we can all try to remember there is a human on the other end of that connection and that where there are two people, there are mistakes to be made, and try to give each other enough wiggle room to try and straighten out any miscommunications.

Even when people have in-person face-to-face chats, meanings can be missed. So, we just need to always give the other person the understanding to assume that:

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard, was not what I meant.”


Posted by goldenslave at 2:49 AM EDT
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Stepping Out of the Kink Closet
 The first thoughts i remember about kink came when i was maybe 13 years old.  I had fantasies of things *my husband* and i would do, knowing full well that sex would only happen with a hubby.  Maybe i was inspired by reading all of the Playboy and Penthouse or other adult magazines i could find as a babysitter.  Of course that doesn’t explain the houseplans i would draw with the secret play-room fitted with chains and veritable gymnastic equipment.

Move forward a decade and a half, and my lover came from his bedroom with a scraggly handful of what turned out to be old medical restraints.  He asked if maybe i would be interested and i jumped at the chance to be tied up.  Then, i learned that *he* wanted to be the one restrained!  We traded occasionally, but that was the game for the most part, and all the time i was wishing he would tie me in.  I learned of love of the tension of the blindfold and the things you could get away with, and loved thinking up things i could do to him, feeling cheated that he didn’t put in the same effort.

Move forward again, and the era of online bulletin boards was in full swing.  I was invited to visit and then join an adult board, and one night i noticed the simple handle of “Master,” nothing more or less.  I brazenly asked him “Master of what?”  and he replied, “I train subs.”  He was from a place 1,400 miles away from me, but i was immediately under his spell, and through him i became friends with local people in the bdsm scene.  I met with them personally, and got introduced to the local group.

The first meeting i attended was in the dingy basement of a bar downtown.  I walked in, and the first person i met was someone i had known from childhood.  Between the folks i’d met, and more importantly finding Jim in the group, i felt safe.  and tingly.  Over a period of time the group moved, and grew, and i ended up on the Coordinating Committee that ran the group, and became the newsletter editor.  One night during a demo, i noticed a man across the room, with lovely, long, brown hair.  He asked polite questions because he wanted to be sure he was careful as a Master and didn’t want to injure a submissive under his care.  Within two months, i was that submissive, and in another six months i wore his collar.

Things with the group somewhat deteriorated over time and my Master didn’t have a personality suited to the crowd.  We had begun to visit another club with a smaller group, and really liked them even though meetings were over an hour and a half away.  Other clubs started popping up, and we eventually dropped out of the public scene.  He had already ceased to play.  Dropping out of the groups was only a logical conclusion.

So, for the last eleven years, i have been without the scene, living in a vacuum, missing out on this side of my life.  I accidentally met a man online, again at a great distance, who took my breath away.  We had a magical connection just as friends, and then one day it came out that he was Dom and i was sub.  I was collared to him June 24, 2007, very real, but based on the thread of hopefully being able to chat once a day.  He did however get me to read my first Gor novel, and keep reading.  He is responsible for my going into irc and searching for Gorean homes so he is responsible for my being Gorean today.

Posted by goldenslave at 2:39 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 6 September 2011 2:42 AM EDT
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Opening up this blog for goldenslave

It's only time that I come around to writing a blog for my site, Master has been encouraging me to add writings to my site, and whereas I don't seem to be able to finish a story, I can share my thoughts on a blog.

Obviously, I am an SSBBW.  That stands for Super-Sized, Big, Beautiful Woman.  Or, Super-Sexy if you prefer.  I have been heavy all my life, and since becoming disabled due to breathing problems, I have added a great amount of weight.  For all you feeders, don't get excited.  I don't intend to intentionally gain any more weight, and of course the medical community strongly advises against it, and well, I have begun to feel that enough is enough, and that it is time to do something about my size.  I am 5'10" tall, and weighed in at 550 pounds, the last time I checked.

I also have BDSM interests which is great for me, but makes people I've encountered in that scene, generally uncomfortable.  There often are skimpy or no clothes involved in the gatherings of BDSM groups, and I went right along with the group, but was told in private that I intimidated people because of my size.  At the same time, people drank from the information and education I could share, and accepted that the information was good.

This was all before I met the Master who owns me now.  Master Arktos is an FA (Fat Admirer) and we became fast friends before ever realizing that the other was into BDSM, and that he is Dominant, and I choose the submissive role.  He accepts the fact I had a slave of my own at one time, but that at this stage in my life, I need to pursue that slave within myself.  Master is kind to allow me a wide latitude under his control yet there is no question as to who is in charge. 

From Master Arktos' urging, two years ago, I began to read the books of John Norman, the "Gor" series.  I'd heard of Gor from the time I was little because my father read everything he could get his hands on, and the Gor books were among the thousands that he went through.  My raids on his revolving library never included any of the books, and I wonder where my mind would be today if I had.  Shortly after I started reading the books, at Master's direction, I began to explore IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and found a home in a chat room, an "inn" of Goreans who became valuable to my education.

I am a "kajira" which is the term for "slave" in Gorean.  I am Master Arktos' property, his to command, and his to use, were he not long distance.  The miles between us prevent the physical sharing, but the mindset is there, and the spirit is what really counts.  It would be wonderful to be under his wise hands, and to be used by him directly, but it is not meant to be until the day he can visit.  Until then, I love and adore my Master, and strive to make him happy.

So, with a brief (too late!) description of who I am and where I am coming from, I set this off, inaugerating the blog for goldenslave.  I hope there is something you can gain from this site, and that it doesn't prove to be a waste of time. 

Posted by goldenslave at 3:08 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 4 September 2011 3:27 AM EDT

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